Solutions-Safety is the starting point
Chapter 4 begins with the story of Mateo. I can imagine that in our work we can all relate to this story in several ways. I found the message from Mateo’s story that, “We see the behaviors themselves as the main problem or target, without recognizing that relationships and social engagement are key in helping children build behavioral and emotional control.” (p. 96) challenging, even disrupting. What is the difference between “attentional seeking” behavior that we are taught to ignore and a “social-engagement” system asking for help? (p.97) As I read through the remainder of Chapter 4 I realized that I was asking the wrong question. When we have a relationship with a child that attends to the social-engagement system, we create “relational safety” (p.97) The more appropriate question may be, “What is occurring in this relationship?”
The solution is “personalized attunement: a way to tailor our interactions to meet each child’s physical and emotional needs.” (p.97) We seek to provide a balance in stressors to facilitate a learning brain different from a threatened brain. The chapter moves into the therapeutic use of self providing co-regulation support for children to develop relational safety.
Question of the week
For this question we have provided a paraphrased copy of the self – assessment for you to use as a resource to write down your reflections.
Use the “Self-Assessment and Self-Awareness: Staying Calm – Adults” worksheet (pp. 112-113) to develop your personal iceberg. While you will not need to share your iceberg, it will help you to consider the effectiveness of the strategies proposed in this chapter to strengthen your therapeutic use of self and to support children with co-regulation experiences. The exercises and self-reflection experiences provided on pages 115-124 are designed to help you to tap into the strengths you have and the barriers you may encounter in using your therapeutic use of self to support children with co-regulation experiences. Without sharing your personal experience, is there anything that you would want to share with your co-workers or the parents of your students with behavioral challenges? What strategies do you use or can you use to balance the level of stress a child you are supporting experiences to assure they are experiencing a manageable level of stress supportive to their learning?
Goodrich-Garza Education 
I enjoyed this chapter. We often focus so much on children’s behavior, but I like that the emphasis was made on ensuring we as adults are regulated first. The book says, “We (adults, parents, caregivers, professionals) are the most important tools in the toolbox.” We have to understand ourselves and take care of ourselves.
Without sharing your personal experience, is there anything that you would want to share with your co-workers or the parents of your students with behavioral challenges?
I am an introvert. During my workday, I have to interact with lots of different teachers and students across multiple campuses. This can wear on me. I try to make time during my workday for time to myself so I can recharge. I can tell when I’ve expended too much social energy because I am more easily irritated. As I have gotten older, I am no longer ashamed to be an introvert and will express to coworkers/other people that I just need time to myself for recharging so I can be at my best.
What strategies do you use or can you use to balance the level of stress a child you are supporting experiences to assure they are experiencing a manageable level of stress supportive to their learning?
Observation is a strategy I use often. Many of the students I work with are non-verbal or have very limited verbal output. When I am working with them, I’m observing facial expressions, breathing patterns, muscle tone changes, and body movements as an indicator to determine if their level of stress is supportive to learning a skill I am introducing. I’ll change what I am doing based on those responses until I find a happy balance of stress response with the challenging activity.
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Wow, I am getting to know you a lot better Whitnee. I do need to follow your lead and learn to understand my own need for a break and recharge as I need to.
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Whitnee, your approach reminds me of the “Every Move Counts” process developed by Jane Korsten. She hypothesized that children with complex disabilities communicate using all of those things (breathing rate, muscle tone changes, facial expressions, eye position, etc.) Some of our most involved student communicate lots with those modalities.
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When I think about the strategies discussed in Chapter 4, it is essential to consider how we, as educators and caregivers, can create environments that balance stressors to facilitate learning rather than threaten a child’s sense of safety. One critical element is building strong, trusting relationships with our students in recognizing and responding to their needs for social engagement rather than dismissing their behaviors as mere attention-seeking.
I’d like to emphasize the importance of self-awareness and self-regulation in our roles as educators. By understanding our own triggers and stress responses, we can better support our students through co-regulation. This helps create a sense of safety and security, which is fundamental for their emotional and behavioral development.
Some strategies that I find helpful:
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I trhive on routines myself and I always establish one when I was still in the classroom.
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Wonderful strategy list Sarah. And, yes our students with disabilities especially need opportunities for social engagement. With some of my most challenging students I also find the co-regulation strategies so very helpful.
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I love your strategy list. I also think modeling calm behavior is important, but knowing when to take a break when you can no longer model calm behavior is also very important.
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I am glad you mentioned knowing our own triggers and stress responses. Remember, these are normal processes so we all experience them. One of the things we have heard about especailly since Covid is the need for self care as the adult. It is important for us, as educators, to know our own triggers and to be able to ask for respite when needed. In our district, high need students are typically supported by a variety of indivduals throughout the day with the notion that the child will develop some adaptive skills and work with a variety of people and the staff will get breaks. This can complicate the development of a relationship, however has it’s own strengths for implementation. Teachers and paraprofessionals need to find the thing that helps them self regulate and destress at the end of the day. If anyone wants to share what they do to help ensure they are ready to face the day, feel free. For me, I have patterns that cover physical, spiritual and mental l aspects of my life. I am pretty rigid about making sure these activities are done on a routine basis, some daily, others periodically, so I am ready to face the challenges of the next day.
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I agree with all of your strategies, but especially the one about recognizing when the child is overwhelmed! This is so essential. Many times worse behavior can be controlled more quickly if we know what the triggers are. You may not be able to completely calm the student, but we can sure help keep the situation from getting out of control.
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Hi Sarah! Thank you for the list of strategies that you provided, I agree with all of them. Especially with establishing and maintaining predictable routines, I believe this helps students feel safe and ready to learn. Also, I love your last suggestion, modeling calm behavior, maybe students don’t have that in their homes and having a positive model can help them learn what it looks like and try to replicate it. Thank you for sharing!
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Without sharing your personal experience, is there anything that you would want to share with your co-workers or the parents of your students with behavioral challenges?
I am a person who was taught that while at work, we “work”. Many of my coworkers think that I am not as sociable as others specifically while at work and this is because of that. I want to fulfill my duty first and foremost while at work and take it very seriously.
What strategies do you use or can you use to balance the level of stress a child you are supporting experiences to assure they are experiencing a manageable level of stress supportive to their learning?
Since I only work with students for evaluations, I usually use observations and interviews with staff who work with the students to understand what I need to know in order to support the student in the event that they undergo stress while I am evaluating. Before beginning my evaluations, when possible, I try to engage with the students. I let them talk about themselves, their family, or pets, and things that they enjoy. Periodically, I also encourage the students to let me know if they need a break, or if they are tired.
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I too am the work focused person at work. It almost brings me stress to try to be social at work. Not that I don’t want to be, but who has time for that? (smile)
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I really agree with Gay’s insight about trying to engage with our students. Letting students express themselves while we are active listeners is so important to let them know we care and what they think and enjoy matters. I find it can open pathways to improved participation by the student.
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I agree with you that work is for work. I have often had people create a negative perception of me because of my lack of interaction with the adults in the building. When I taught high school I usually ate lunch with the students instead of the teachers because I felt that those were the relationships that needed the most nurturing. And, I could consider myself to still be working while having a quick lunch.
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I agree with the sentiment to “work” while at work. I also refuse to bring work home, so I work hard to be as productive as possible at work. There are some days where I plan to be a little more social so I know that I’ll lose some work time (ie. Special Service Challenge Days). However, I get upset with myself on days when I’ve been a little too chatty and get off schedule!
I love your work ethic, Gay!
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It is so important for teachers, parents, and caregivers to be in control of ourselves when interacting with students. We are the example that the student will look to for help. It doesn’t help if we are flipping out. Sometimes, it can be hard. You’ve seen this behavior over and over and are tired of it. Even if we are, we have to be the one in control of the situation. We may encounter emergencies or situations that scare us, but think about what a child is feeling in those times. We literally can be the difference between life and death. Not to be over dramatic, but truthful. I have worked with students from 2nd-12th grade and have seen and helped deal with behaviors from acting out to threats of suicide over the years. If you know you aren’t the one who can help in these types of situations, call for help. If you deal with students who are suicidal, self-harming or put themselves in harm’s way, you have to keep yourself in control. You can have that down time after the crisis has passed. Tears can fall (and need to fall) when the situation has passed.
I really liked this section for acknowledging that the adults can be on any of the 3 different paths, also. If we are aware of what path we are on, we can do things to get us back to the green. The worksheets are a great place to start if you are new to all this, or you just need a reminder of how to communicate with a student. I also like the fact that at the end of each worksheet it says to stop and go back if you are not in a good place on that worksheet. Again, no judgment, just go back and look at your actions again.
I have been told I’m a “child whisperer”. Through the years, I have learned to keep my voice low and modulated. I personally use breathing techniques when I feel anxious or stressed, so that is my go to use with students when they are stressed, acting out, etc. We breath together and I speak in that low, soothing voice. No judgment or corrections during this time, just breathing. Once the student has calmed their breathing, we can continue with a conversation together, or I can find the person they would like to talk to. It is very important to watch our non-verbal cues, because the student will definitely be watching them.
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Thank you Sheri for such a heart felt response. I love your statement, ” think about what a child is feeling in those times. “
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Sheri, this is exactly what I was referencing in my earlier post. If we are in the blue or red, we are unlikely to be able to support a child who is in the blue or red zone. I love your strategies and thank you for sharing.
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I have found that having a low modulated voice is very calming and non threatening or judgemental. Sometimes words are not even necessary; non-verbal cues can be calming expecially with older kids.
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Gay, you do have a very calming voice and demeanor.
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I really enjoyed this chapter and how it focuses on oneself to be able to be present and available to help a student who is struggling. Throughout the week, I found myself thinking about what path I am on. If I found that I wasn’t on green, I tried to pay attention to what had been my trigger and how to get back on the right track.
Without sharing your personal experience, is there anything that you would want to share with your co-workers or the parents of your students with behavioral challenges?
I would share that I am a highly sensitive person, and sometimes I have a hard time adjusting to bright light, sound levels, and textures. When I get overwhelmed, I know that I need to take some time for myself and breathe. This helps me regulate and continue to work. It is about having self-compassion and allowing myself the rest that my nervous system needs.
What strategies do you use or can you use to balance the level of stress a child you are supporting experiences to assure they are experiencing a manageable level of stress supportive to their learning?
After getting to know the child and learning the root of their challenging behavior, I like to put myself in their shoes. I think about what in their environment could be stressful for the student, what they need, and what might be going through their mind. It involves observing the child and being a detective to understand what could be stressing them or what they could need.
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Making sure we as educators are in a green pathway before we can help our students is so important! If we are not able to regulate our emotions, it is very difficult to help others through the pathway transition.
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This chapter was a good reminder that I do need to be aware of my own personal regulation if I hope to focus on students’s needs. I am there for the student and this isn’t about me. However, using my self as part of therapeutic intervention can, sometimes, be challenging. I like parents to know that they are welcome to contact me if they have insight or any information they think I should know when working with their student. Parents can be a good resource to finding out likes and dislikes of their student. Strategies I find helpful to balance students’ stress levels include: input from teachers as appropriate before a therapy session, calm and slow approaches, focus on the students’ emotional state and don’t expect a sudden change, give students’ choices when possible, attempt to establish common interests, positive re-enforcers for even the smallest positive action/participation, and continue to breathe.
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I feel like self care has become such a buzz word so I tend to just get irritated when someone reminds me to “practice self care.” When the author talks about it as “therapeutic use of self” it makes so much more sense. I very much believe in modeling behaviors. So if I find myself headed off my green pathway, I need to take the time to stop and manage my own emotions. If that means that I stop in the middle of a class and take a minute or two to focus on my breathing, then that’s what I’ll do. Then, when I suggest breathing strategies to students, it won’t just be me telling them. They will have likely seen me do it myself. How great would it be for it to be common and comfortable for students and teachers to take a few moments before having an emotional reaction?
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I think that what you suggest is exactly what we should be helping our students learn. If they learn how to self regulate it is a gift.
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Eileen, I agree knowing how to self regulate is a gift! Getting to know ourselves, learn what our body or mind needs and being able to provide it is a useful lifelong gift.
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Sometimes we forget that our health and well-being as educators is just as important as our students. I love that this chapter addressed this. We have to be at our best to provide the best. Behaviors can wear on you, you have to take care of yourself, have a support system/team in place, and know when to say you need a break.
Without sharing your personal experience, is there anything that you would want to share with your co-workers or the parents of your students with behavioral challenges?
I am known as a happy/outgoing person at work. I usually bring a positive atmosphere. I love to build relationships with staff, students, and families. I am not one to give up. I will continue to try, look for answers, and reach out for help. But there are days I am not happy, I feel defeated, and I want to just give up. I almost feel like I have to hide these feelings/emotions because I am known for that positive energy and would hate to take that positive energy away from others.
What strategies do you use or can you use to balance the level of stress a child you are supporting experiences to assure they are experiencing a manageable level of stress supportive to their learning?
Being available when a student needs you is important to help manage stress levels, sometimes one-on-one time can be challenging. Giving students that undivided attention when you can show you are listening and/or interacting with just them may help with their stress levels. One strategy I am going to be more aware of is paying attention to my own pathway to make sure it is going to support my student’s pathways. Using the different checklists that have been provided in this book will also be a strategy I will use.
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I love how you mentioned paying attention to your own pathway. We are no good for our students if we can’t take care of ourselves. I think the same way with parenting. I continue to strive to prioritize myself so I can be the best for my students and people I work with.
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It is very important to have people as part of your team that you can talk things over with.
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I do emergency planning with the city of Tomball. One of the things that we hear over and over from the first responders is that safety is priority and that we have to be safe ourselves in order to help other. If we get hurt (dysregulated) we are likely to add to the negative spiral and need “rescuing” ourselves, making more work for the first responders. I think this illustration applies when we are working with our students. We are best in supporting them when we ourselves are regulated and can respond calmly (safely).
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I apologize, but I am out of the country this week and won’t be able to post. I will catch up when I am back in Texas.
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Without sharing your personal experience, is there anything that you would want to share with your co-workers or the parents of your students with behavioral challenges?
In reading Chapter 4 of Beyond Behaviors, it becomes evident that focusing on the underlying causes of a child’s behavior, rather than the behavior itself, is crucial. The concept of “personalized attunement” emphasized in the chapter aligns with the need for educators to tailor their interactions based on each child’s unique physical and emotional needs. This approach fosters a safe and supportive learning environment, crucial for emotional and behavioral development. I would urge my colleagues and parents to shift their perspective from viewing behaviors as problems to understanding them as communication efforts. Building strong, trusting relationships with students and acknowledging their needs for social engagement is paramount.
What strategies do you use or can you use to balance the level of stress a child you are supporting experiences to assure they are experiencing a manageable level of stress supportive to their learning?
From a practical standpoint, maintaining predictable routines is one effective strategy to manage student stress. Predictability provides a sense of security, which is fundamental for students to feel safe and ready to learn. Additionally, acknowledging and rewarding positive behaviors helps reinforce a supportive atmosphere. Monitoring signs of overwhelm, such as changes in body language or facial expressions, allows timely interventions, such as offering brain breaks or modifying tasks. Lastly, modeling calm and composed behavior, especially during challenging situations, sets a standard for students to emulate, aiding in their co-regulation process.
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As I read your post Luis I thought of how relationship, communication, physical and emotional needs interact. I can see Maslow’s hierarchy aligned with a measure of relationship and communication.
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This is a post made on behalf of Eileen due to impacts from the hurricane (all is well, just no power)
Wise comment in your post. “Additionally, acknowledging and rewarding positive behaviors helps reinforce a supportive atmosphere. “. I don’t see a lot of people who to this, but the ones who do it get great results. We are taught to speak to the behavior we want, Unfortunately many times the undesired behavior is the attention getter so we can go from a bottom up to a top down behavior through reinforcement. Definitely displaying a calm demeanor is beneficial.
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Sorry for the delay in the answer; we are without power in Houston due to Hurricane Beryl. This chapter really hit home for me. It’s so important for us as teachers and parents to be aware of our own state of mind when dealing with children, especially those with behavioral challenges. We often overlook how our stress levels can impact the children we are trying to support. For me, it’s about understanding that when a child acts out, they are communicating something deeper, something we need to tune into rather than just trying to correct the behavior. I think it’s essential to share with others that being attuned to a child’s needs and building a strong, trust-filled relationship can make a world of difference. We need to see beyond the behaviors and recognize the child’s need for connection and safety.
I’ve learned that creating a calm and predictable environment is so crucial. With my own kids, I see how much they thrive when they know what to expect. In the classroom, I try to do the same by keeping routines consistent and giving students clear expectations. When a child seems stressed or overwhelmed, I find taking a moment to breathe with them or offering a quick break can help immensely. I also make a point to really listen to them, letting them express their feelings and concerns. It’s all about being present and showing that you care. By doing this, we not only help them manage their stress but also teach them valuable skills for handling difficult emotions.
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I agree that the importance of routine can not be understated. Knowing how the establishment of a consistent routine in the first year of life organizes the brain and provides a strong learning foundation different from circumstances that do not allow for a consistent routine, I often wonder what strategies we can use to help parents understand the importance of routine even outweighing sometimes the sacrifices that have to be made to accommodate a routine.
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This is a post made on behalf of Eileen due to impacts from the hurricane (all is well, just no power)
“ For me, it’s about understanding that when a child acts out, they are communicating something deeper, something we need to tune into rather than just trying to correct the behavior. “ Great observation. Often we want to act before we really understand what is going on. How do you maintain your calm (green level) so that you can support your student’s?
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This post is made on behalf of Kim Keller due to impacts of the hurricane. All is well just no power.
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Kim, it’s true. Those facial expressions and a student’s body language can give us a lot of information. I know that sometimes one of us will see something that others do not. I love when we collaborate and you notice a student did something that I missed while I was looking for supplies or watching another student work in a small group setting. There are so many cues we can miss if we aren’t looking. I appreciate how the book also gives importance to the unseen or hard to see cues that can make a huge difference in a child’s day. It’s so easy to focus on the overt behaviors, but the smaller cues should also influence how we support a child on a given day based on their needs and stress levels to prevent that movement from a green pathway to a red or blue. I hope you have power by now!!
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Hi Molly, it is great being able to collaborate with you to support our students. Each discipline sees things from a different lens which helps with overall support.
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I am really enjoying this book study. I am learning so much, and it is also validating that I am on the right track as far as what I have always believed is best for students, but may be different from what I have been taught in the past. As an old teacher who is new to Tomball ISD , this book study and all of your answers and comments make me excited to be a part of this special education department. (It’s also pretty intimidating and I find myself agonizing over my answers to these questions.)
Without sharing your personal experience, is there anything that you would want to share with your co-workers or the parents of your students with behavioral challenges?
The emphasis on behavior as communication and being something we not manage, but should pay attention to, is so important to our students. We need to be aware of what our reaction to the child’s behavior is communicating. Are we helping or making matters worse? We need to make our self and awareness and self care a priority.
What strategies do you use or can you use to balance the level of stress a child you are supporting experiences to assure they are experiencing a manageable level of stress supportive to their learning?
I maintain a caring, structured, environment. I strive to connect with my students by observing and being present and their parents by listening and making sure they know that we are a team when it comes to caring for their child. The strategies outlined in the book will be very valuable in helping my awareness of my own pathway and how to stay or return to the green.
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Shawn, welcome to the sped team in Tomball! I agree that we should always be open to challenge what we were taught. This book is really inspiring me to do that “detective work” as Kathy said one week. I like how you used the word “awareness” because I think sometimes we try the things we know or are familiar with to help kids, but we aren’t really seeing what they (or maybe we) need in that moment. An you’re right- are we helping or making things worse? is such an important question when we are all trying to collectively stay on that green pathway.
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I apologize for being behind this week. I was out of the country then returned to the aftermath of Hurricane Beryl and no power in my home. One thing I’ve had to manage in recent years is the transition to more of a caregiver for my mother, which has been an accelerated process following my father’s death. I also have a 9 and 5 year old to parent. When I am overwhelmed with stress from work and my mother’s needs, my own children see me lose my patience. I am working on accessing my positive coping strategies, which has gotten a lot harder. I still love smelling some lavender in a dimly lit, quiet room. Yoga has also taught me some breathing strategies similar to the exercise listed in the book, but of course I keep striving to take the time to practice more. I think one thing that helps at work is when we see our co-workers under stress and help make a plan for them to get a break. Working as a team, we can manage our own stress without letting the kids see. As ICS, we can do this. I’ve definitely had teachers ask for a moment outside of the classroom and I’ve done the same. When you have supportive admin, they know to cue you as well. It’s like when we create fake errands for kids because we can sense they just need to get out of the room for a minute, or a check in with a preferred adult in another room to boost their positive vibes when they are looking glum. I like how in the case of Mateo, the aide shared that the IEP felt opposite of what she intuitively felt he needed. I agree that our paraprofessionals should be more involved in IEPs and wish more discussions could take place to support kids who are stressed. I also agree with the morning check-in idea. Felix’s teacher knew to adjust her interactions and expectations to support him, rather than make him fit into a rigid plan or workload on more difficult days.
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Thanks for the week 4 insights. It has been a heck of a week. No doubt many of us are experiencing our own red and blue zones based on our experiences in the aftermath of the hurricane. I think AI has taken over my feed because I am seeing a lot on my various media about managing stress and behaviors. I really think that Molly summarized nicely the importance of using your team to ensure that we, as the adults, are able to model a calm, Green Zone, demeanor for our students. We have to use the resources available to us. Having administrators who “get that” is critical.
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The first thing I would share with my co workers and parents is that behavior is communication. I would ask several questions to find out what might be causing the behaviors that are needing to be addressed. Some of the strategies that I use are using a calm voice, offering a break to the student, giving them time to calm down before discussing what happened, allowing for frequent breaks, and giving regular sensory breaks to students. I find that a student needs time to move back to a green pathway.
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